Dark Thoughts : NPRALIX SPIEGEL, HOST: So we're going to start with a very simple question - what were you just thinking? UNIDENTIFIED MAN #1: Who the hell are you? Laughter) I mean, that's what I was just thinking. UNIDENTIFIED GIRL #1: A cheeseburger (laughter). I wanted a cheeseburger.

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UNIDENTIFIED BOY #1: Going out with my girlfriend. SPIEGEL: You have a girlfriend?

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UNIDENTIFIED BOY #1: Yep. SPIEGEL: Really? UNIDENTIFIED BOY #1: Yeah. SPIEGEL: How old are you?

UNIDENTIFIED BOY #1: Eleven. UNIDENTIFIED WOMAN #1: Whether or not this is a nice building. I'm looking to buy a condo here. SPIEGEL: Over the last couple of months, we've been asking this question of all kinds of people. You - you come over here.

SPIEGEL: And who are we? Well, I am Alix Spiegel. LULU MILLER, HOST: And I am Lulu Miller. Can I possibly trouble you for about 3. SPIEGEL: And I have to say - on this little thought- finding mission.. MILLER: What were you just thinking about?

SPIEGEL: .. We got just a shocking array of thoughts. We got big thoughts. UNIDENTIFIED BOY #2: What it would be like if there was no stars, just the sun and no moon. SPIEGEL: We got small thoughts. UNIDENTIFIED MAN #2: How much I love this Black. Berry I'm typing on. SPIEGEL: Musical thoughts.

UNIDENTIFIED MAN #3: I had a song in my head - (singing) smile. Oh, when your heart is aching, smile. SPIEGEL: But also, sad thoughts. UNIDENTIFIED WOMAN #2: I'm not good enough. SPIEGEL: Worried thoughts. UNIDENTIFIED WOMAN #3: I was thinking about my sister. I was thinking how I could help her.

SPIEGEL: Creepy thoughts. UNIDENTIFIED WOMAN #4: This very vivid image of me hitting him with a hammer on his head. SPIEGEL: So we got all kinds of thoughts. Watch Paranormal Activity 4 Online Full Movie. UNIDENTIFIED GIRL #2: I'm thinking, why did you ask me what I was just thinking? What did that have to do with what you were putting on the radio? MILLER: That's a great question, Alix.

UNIDENTIFIED GIRL #2: Yes. SPIEGEL: Yes, it is.

And the truth is that it's not just thoughts in general that we're interested in; really, it's this subset of thoughts that we want to focus on. MILLER: Yeah, those last ones you just heard - the dark ones. UNIDENTIFIED WOMAN #5: I'll always be alone. No one will love me. SPIEGEL: You know these thoughts. UNIDENTIFIED MAN #4: I'm waiting for the train, and the train is coming.

And there's this moment right when the subway train's coming out of the tunnel and the lights are coming, this flicker of an impulse to just throw myself down on the tracks. SPIEGEL: They come into our heads at random moments. Sometimes, they're kind of shocking. UNIDENTIFIED WOMAN #6: All of a sudden, I had an image of myself strangling them.

SPIEGEL: And the thing that we want to talk about today is how should we think about these dark thoughts? You know, do they tell us something deep about ourselves, about our desires and our wishes, or not? This is INVISIBILIA.

I'm Alix Spiegel. MILLER: And I'm Lulu Miller.

SPIEGEL: And what we do on our show is we look at invisible things, stuff like ideas and emotions and beliefs and assumptions and try to understand how those invisible things are shaping our lives. MILLER: And today, thoughts are the invisible things we are looking at. SPIEGEL: We are a product of NPR News. And this is our very first show. MILLER: And it is worth mentioning here that we know our voices kind of sound the same. SPIEGEL: Yeah. MILLER: But keep on listening, and you'll learn to differentiate us. And until then, enjoy the wash.

SPIEGEL: Right. MILLER: Right. SPIEGEL: Right. MILLER: Yeah. SPIEGEL: Yeah. MILLER: Anyway, to this question of what to think about our thoughts, we've got two stories of two men who, for different reasons, find themselves completely overrun by dark thoughts, desperate to know the answer to the question of what to make of them. All right, Alix. You've got guy number one, right? SPIEGEL: Yeah. Guy number one is a surfer, and to meet him, we're going to go out to the West Coast.

But before we do, we should warn you that this story has some disturbing images in it. So it might not be appropriate for younger listeners. And also because some of the subject matter here is so sensitive, we're not going to use the man's real name. We're just going to use his first initial, which is S.

S: Well, come on inside. SPIEGEL: OK. Thank you so much. The day I met S, he answered the door in these very colorful shorts, very cheerful, very friendly. His house is just steps from the ocean. S: The water's right here, so it's.. SPIEGEL: Oh, it's so nice.

Are you, like, a surfer? S: Yeah. SPIEGEL: And that was the kind of life that he led - sunny, until one day, he sat down - I think it was a Friday night.. S: Friday or Saturday evening. SPIEGEL: .. To watch a movie with his wife. S: Relaxing, having a beer. SPIEGEL: They were newly married.

And the movie that they decided to watch was this movie called "City Of God."S: "City Of God." It's a Brazilian movie involving the drug trafficking of Rio de Janeiro. Pretty violent movie.

SPIEGEL: It's a very violent movie. S: The gangs would go, and they'd fight amongst each other and kill each other. And there was a lot of pretty graphic violence. And about midway through the movie, I started getting just inundated with violent thoughts. What if I were to brutally stab someone or shoot someone or harm my wife? SPIEGEL: Now, S had never had violent thoughts like this before. And they were very disturbing - in particular, this thought about harming his new wife.

But he couldn't get it out of his mind. S: Stabbing her. SPIEGEL: Cutting down her torso.

S: Blood and guts all over. SPIEGEL: The thoughts became so overpowering that after the movie ended, he went into his bedroom and just curled up in a ball. S: I put my hands over my eyes and my head and was just trying to get rid of the thoughts. But the more I tried to get rid of them, the more and more they'd come back. What if you were to murder your wife - murder your wife - murder your wife?

SPIEGEL: Eventually his wife comes in - finds him huddled there in this ball. And he didn't know what to say to her - how to put it exactly. So he just blurted out what was going through his mind. S: I just had an image of stabbing you in the back with a knife. UNIDENTIFIED WOMAN #7: As a new bride it was, you know, the last thing that I really thought that I would be hearing from my husband. Laughter). SPIEGEL: But here's the thing, his wife was completely unfazed by all this, unfazed because she felt like she knew her husband. UNIDENTIFIED WOMAN #7: He's the coolest person I know.

SPIEGEL: They had dated for five years. UNIDENTIFIED WOMAN #7: Gentle, sensitive, open. SPIEGEL: So she knew what a good soul he was.

He was a gentle man. S: She said, just relax and go to sleep. SPIEGEL: And so he went to sleep. But in the morning when he woke up, the thoughts were still there. In fact, over the next weeks and months, they just grew. It was like the movie had somehow broken open something inside of him.

S: So morning time, I would wake up and maybe the first thought in my mind was an image of stabbing an innocent person. From there, I would take a walk with my dog and, boom, there pops the thought - what if I brutally kill or rape someone and their family when their lights are on at their home? SPIEGEL: Maybe he'd be making dinner. S: My wife is cutting carrots for a salad. Boom - what if I grab the knife and I were to stab her?

SPIEGEL: And though he never actually acted on any of these thoughts that he was having, he was convinced that one day he might. So he started to avoid things.